tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-341279272024-03-19T01:34:05.141-07:00The Moment It Hit MeIt has been 8 months since it hit me. What hit me? Where I relocated to.I moved to Tucson 11 months ago and have never been able to find anything near where I live. ShopFromHomepage was created to provide merchants the opportunity to let us know where they are: the site is undergoing construction, so enjoy the entertainment for now!Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.comBlogger186125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-64095007297576498892009-04-03T16:02:00.000-07:002009-04-03T16:04:01.166-07:00<strong>Feel like using the bathroom???</strong><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6Sg5c5tt83POrVWXxaenuDhKNzB4HNJqIfDg_SKOoLkzbI3m0QmsNetg-6dTU8RQ_4gLIh2-T_PCgwPnoWYDpfyCKMPMC7M7mq0i4Z3h0jUrqrxpm5dmUrn3AavOZyzjJdy64/s1600-h/Free+Falling.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 229px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6Sg5c5tt83POrVWXxaenuDhKNzB4HNJqIfDg_SKOoLkzbI3m0QmsNetg-6dTU8RQ_4gLIh2-T_PCgwPnoWYDpfyCKMPMC7M7mq0i4Z3h0jUrqrxpm5dmUrn3AavOZyzjJdy64/s320/Free+Falling.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320604536748312674" /></a><div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-42298591843307820102009-04-01T08:41:00.001-07:002009-04-01T08:41:54.378-07:00<strong>OUR NATIONAL DEBT!!!</strong><br /><br /><br /><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=7,0,19,0" width="550" height="120"><br /><param name="movie" value="http://www.truthin2008.org/debtclockwidget.swf" /><br /><param name="quality" value="high" /><br /><embed src="http://www.truthin2008.org/debtclockwidget.swf" quality="high" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="550" height="120"></embed><br /></object><div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-59433528354341368202009-03-02T22:38:00.000-08:002009-03-02T22:40:51.223-08:00<strong>03/02/09 Best Place to Shop for Clothes & such, online.</strong><br /><br />Go green: Save your gas, spend more?<br /><br />Click <a href="http://www.territoryahead.com/jump.jsp?itemID=0&itemType=HOME_PAGE">HERE</a> ...<div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Edmondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02375289737726417310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-11656201771594425322009-01-20T03:41:00.000-08:002009-01-20T03:42:46.717-08:00<strong>DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS (or the uncertainty of the English language).</strong> <br /><br />Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married. Did you?" <br />Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?" <br /><br />A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" <br />The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine." <br /><br />"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week," <br />"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then, I'll <br /><br />try to send her a few bucks myself." <br /><br />A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all." <br />"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids." <br /><br />An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. <br />The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you". The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife." <br /><br />Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder <br />1. All the DNA is the same . <br />2. There are no dental records. <br /><br />A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?" <br />The agent replies, "Just a minute.." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up. <br /><br />Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. <br />"How was he killed?" asked one detective. <br />"With a golf gun," the other detective replied. <br /><br />"A golf gun? What is a golf gun?" <br /><br />"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan." <br /><br />Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion." <br />Joe : "Really?" <br />Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell." <br /><br />A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm O. K., but I didn't like the four-letter word the doctor used in surgery," he answered. <br />"What did he say," asked the nurse. <br /><br />"OOPS" <br /><br />While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. <br />"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" <br />"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one." <br />He's still in intensive care.<div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-76824372091989820652008-12-28T23:34:00.000-08:002008-12-28T23:36:40.323-08:00<strong>A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."<br /><br />The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. <br /><br />You'll have to drive around in his 2008 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. <br /><br />This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive. <br /><br />A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc. located above the garage will be designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year."<br /><br />The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"<br /><br />The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . You started it!"</strong><div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Edmondhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02375289737726417310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-22679479125065188802008-12-09T21:06:00.000-08:002008-12-09T21:11:17.491-08:00<strong><a href="http://home.att.net/~hideaway_today/t133/noah.htm">NOAH TODAY</a></strong><div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-4289293139914791702008-11-25T12:18:00.000-08:002008-11-25T12:19:26.717-08:00<strong>It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.The teacher said,"Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said <br />'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces, <br />except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: <br />'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.<br />'Very good!' Who said 'Government of the People, by <br />the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'<br />Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, <br />1863' said Chandrasekhar.<br />The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, <br />you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, <br />knows more about its history than you do.'<br />She heard a loud whisper: <br />'Fuck the Indians'<br />''Who said that?" she demanded.<br /> Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'<br />At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'<br />The teacher glares around and asks <br />'All right! Now, who said that?'<br />Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'<br />Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'<br />Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher , 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'<br />Now with almost mob hysteria someone <br />said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'<br />Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson to the child <br />witnesses testifying against him- 2004.'<br />The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!'<br />And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was <br />the American people, November 4th, 2008".</strong><div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-33654621816171449282008-11-15T15:10:00.001-08:002008-11-15T15:10:36.334-08:00<strong>Thanksgiving Divorce </strong><br /> <br />A man in Jacksonville calls his son in San Diego the day before Thanksgiving and says, <br />'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.' <br />'Pop, what are you talking about?' the son screams. <br />'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the father says. 'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Denver and tell her.' <br /> <br />Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. <br />'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this' <br />She calls Jacksonville immediately, and screams at her father, 'You are NOT getting divorced. Do not do a single thing un til I get there. I am calling my brother back, and we will both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up. <br /> <br />The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.<br />'Okay,' he says, 'they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.'<div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-61630113836816465932008-11-14T08:39:00.000-08:002008-11-14T08:40:40.654-08:00<strong>To my friends who enjoy a cold beer or a glass of wine... And those who don't.</strong><br /><br />As Ben Franklin said: <br /><br />In wine there is wisdom,<br />In beer there is freedom,<br />In water there is bacteria.<br /><br />In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated<br />That if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.<br /><br />However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or Vodka, tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol <br /><br />Has to go through a purification process <br /><br /> Of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.<br /> Remember:<br /> Water = Poop,<br /> Wine = Health. <br /> <br />Therefore, it's better <br /><br />To drink beer & wine, and talk stupid,<br />Than to drink water and be full of shit.<br /><br />There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: <br /> <br /><br /> I'm doing it as a public service<div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-51857321853666181432008-11-08T21:35:00.000-08:002008-11-08T21:38:46.128-08:00Jingle Bells, Shotgun Shells. I finally feel safe in my own home!!!<br /><br /><br />This on my Christmas list prior to weapons being seized by the new Admin!!<br /><br /><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/bhDPoVm74To&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/bhDPoVm74To&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-3633556050415924812008-10-23T11:08:00.000-07:002008-10-23T11:13:34.294-07:00<strong>GUN CONTROL</strong><br /><br /><br /><OBJECT class=BLOG_video_class id=BLOG_video-785ab2ba40a5f43f height=266 width=320 contentId="785ab2ba40a5f43f"></OBJECT><div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-29423088872097804182008-09-29T22:54:00.000-07:002008-09-29T22:57:08.041-07:00<strong>In case of another Hurricane: </strong> <br /><strong>Evacuation Plans for Houston</strong><br /> <br /><em><strong>Houston Hurricane Evacuation Plans<br />City Officials just announced the Houston hurricane evacuation plan<br />today:</strong> </em><br /><br />Cajuns use I-10 East to Lafayette .<br /> <br />Hispanics use I-10 West to San Antonio .<br /> <br />Rednecks use 59 North to East Texas .<br /> <br />Republicans fly Continental First Class to Washington DC .<br /> <br />Yankees & Democrats use 45 South to Galveston . (very important)<br /> <br />Longhorns use 290 West to Austin .<br /> <br />Aggies use the 610 Loop<div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-14568135415199955952008-09-24T08:05:00.000-07:002008-09-24T08:07:37.938-07:00<strong>The brain is an amazing organ! <br /><br />Ah, for those of us who can read the<br /><br />following passage.-----If you can read the following paragraph, forward it <br /> <br />on to your friends and the person that sent it to you with 'yes' in the <br /> <br />subject line.!</strong><br /><br /> <br /> Only great minds can read this.<br /><br />This is weird, but interesting!<br /><br /> <br />fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs?<br />Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty<br /><br />uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid,<br />aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in<br /><br />waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht<br />the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl<br /><br />mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the<br />huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.<br /><br />Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if yo u can<br /><br />raed tihs forwrad it.<div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-6893572236279557602008-09-17T21:24:00.000-07:002008-09-17T21:25:44.417-07:00<strong>So true (143 days)</strong><br /> <br />This cuts through the crap and zeroes in on the gut issue quickly! Are we all aboard the USS Ship of Fools? Makes me wonder!<br /><br />The first time I read this quote, I thought it was dangerously true. Then I really started pondering it and thought how would this apply to our own lives/careers? Let's look at it again to see how absurd it is.<br />You couldn't get a job at McDonalds and become district manager after 143 days of experience. <br />You couldn't become chief of surgery after 143 days of experience of being a surgeon <br />. <br />You couldn't get a job as a teacher and be the superintendent after 143 days of experience. <br />You couldn't join the military and become a colonel after a 143 days of experience. <br />You couldn't get a job as a reporter and become the nightly news anchor after 143 days of experience. <br />BUT.... <br />'From the time Barack Obama was sworn in as a United State Senator, to the time he announced he was forming a Presidential exploratory committee, he logged 143 days of experience in the Senate. <br />That's how many days the Senate was actually in session and working. <br />After 143 days of work experience, Obama believed he was ready to be Commander In Chief, Leader of the Free World, and fill the shoes of Abraham Lincoln, FDR, JFK and Ronald Reagan. 143 days? <br /><br /> <br />We all have to start somewhere. The senate is a good start, but after 143 days, that's all it is - a start. <br />AND, strangely, a large sector of the American public seems to feel comfortable with this and campaigning for him. <br /><br />We wouldn't accept this in our own line of work, yet some are OK with this for the President of the United States of America? <br />Come on folks, we are not voting for the next American Idol.<div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-17191688696393159642008-09-07T13:36:00.000-07:002008-09-07T13:37:54.522-07:00<strong>Catholic Heart Attack</strong><br /><br /><br />A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. <br />He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital .<br /><br />As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment.<br /><br />She asked if he had health insurance.<br /><br />He replied, in a raspy voice, 'No health insurance.'<br /><br />The nun asked if he had money in the bank.<br /><br />He replied. 'No money in the bank.'<br /><br />The nun asked, 'Do you have a relative who could help you?'<br /><br />He said, 'I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun.'<br /><br />The nun became agitated and announced loudly, 'Nuns are not spinsters!<br /><br />Nuns are married to God.'<br /><br />The patient replied, 'Then send the bill to my brother-in-law'.<div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-57800444479871172792008-08-21T11:40:00.000-07:002008-08-21T11:42:10.921-07:00<strong>Interesting comparison.</strong><br /><br /><br /><br />I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. What a beauty of <br />a bird feeder it is, as I filled it lovingly with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds <br />taking advantage of the <br />continuous flow of free and easily accessible food. <br />But then the birds started <br />building nests in the boards <br />of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue. <br /> <br />Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table .. everywhere! <br /> <br />Then some of the birds <br />turned mean. They would <br />dive bomb me and try to <br />peck me even though I had <br />fed them out of my own <br />pocket. <br />And others birds were <br />boisterous and loud. They <br />sat on the feeder and <br />squawked and screamed at <br />all hours of the day and night <br />and demanded that I fill it <br />when it got low on food. <br />After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down <br />the many nests they had built <br />all over the patio. <br />Soon, the back yard was like it used to be.... quiet, serene and no one demanding their <br />rights to a free meal. <br />Now let's see. <br />Our government gives out <br />free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen. <br />Then the illegals came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; <br />your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak <br />English. <br />Corn Flakes now come in a <br />bilingual box; I have to <br />'press one' to hear my bank <br />talk to me in English, and <br />people waving flags other <br />than 'Old Glory' are <br />squawking and screaming <br />in the streets, demanding <br />more rights and free liberties. <br />Just my opinion, but maybe <br />it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder. <br />If you agree, pass it on; if not, continue cleaning up the poop!<div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-15567508681344450522008-08-20T09:02:00.000-07:002008-08-20T09:03:02.037-07:00<strong>Do you have what it takes to be a WalMart Greeter?</strong> <br /><br /><br />A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her<br />two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.<br /> <br />The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning, and welcome to<br />Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'<br /> <br />The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell, no, they ain't twins.<br />The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think<br />they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'<br /> <br />'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,' replied the Greeter. ' I just<br />couldn't believe someone would sleep with you twice. Have a good day and<br />thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'<div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-11302963888641050112008-08-16T18:54:00.000-07:002008-08-16T18:59:35.660-07:00<em><strong>Encore Presentation of this letter from a Mother of a soldier</strong><br /><br /></em><strong>Letter from one 'Angry Woman' </strong><br /><br />I don't know who wrote it but they should have signed it. Some powerful words. This woman should run for president. <br /><br />Written by a housewife from New Jersey and sounds like it! This is one ticked off lady. <br /><br /><br />'Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001? <br /><br />Were people from all over the world, mostly Americans, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan , across the Potomac from our nation's capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania ? <br /><br /><br />Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing death that day, or didn't they? <br /><br /><br />And I'm supposed to care that a copy of the Koran was 'desecrated' when an overworked American soldier kicked it or got it wet?...Well, I don't. I don't care at all. <br /><br /><br />I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for incinerating all those innocent people on 9/11. <br /><br />I'll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere possession of which is a crime in Saudi Arabia <br /><br /><br />I'll care when these thugs tell the world they are sorry for chopping off Nick Berg's head while Berg screamed through his gurgling slashed throat. <br /><br /><br />I'll care when the cowardly so-called 'insurgents' in Iraq come out and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques. <br /><br /><br />I'll care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search of nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide . <br /><br /><br />I'll care when the American media stops pretending that their First Amendment liberties are somehow derived from international law instead of the United States Constitution's Bill of Rights. <br /><br /><br />In the meantime, when I hear a story about a brave marine roughing up an Iraqi terrorist to obtain information, know this: I don't care. <br /><br /><br />When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi prisoners who have been humiliated in what amounts to a college-hazing incident, rest assured: I don't care. <br /><br /><br />When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank: I don't care.. <br /><br /><br />When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and fed 'special' food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is being 'mishandled,' you can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts: I don't care. <br /><br /><br />And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's spelled 'Koran' and other times 'Quran.' Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and-you guessed it-I don't care !! <br /><br /><br />If you agree with this viewpoint, pass this on to all your E-mail friends. Sooner or later, it'll get to the people responsible for this ridiculous behavior! <br /><br /><br />If you don't agree, then by all means hit the delete button. Should you choose the latter, then please don't complain when more atrocities committed by radical Muslims happen here in our great Country! And may I add: <br /><br /><br />'Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the Marines don't have that problem' -- Ronald Reagan <br /><br /><br />I have another quote that I would like to add AND.......I hope you forward all this. <br /><br /><br />'If we ever forget that we're One Nation Under God, then we will be a nation gone under.' Also by.. Ronald Reagan <br /><br /><br />One last thought for the day: <br /><br /><br />In case we find ourselves starting to believe all the Anti-American sentiment and negativity, we should remember England 's Prime Minister Tony Blair's words during a recent interview. When asked by one of his Parliament members why he believes so much in America , he said: 'A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in.. And how many want out.' <br /><br /><br />Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you: <br /><br />1. Jesus Christ <br /><br />2. The American G. I. <br /><br /><br />One died for your soul, the other for your freedom. <br /><br /> YOU MIGHT WANT TO PASS THIS ON, AS MANY SEEM TO FORGET BOTH OF THEM.<br /><br />AMEN!<div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-10286345345958911302008-08-11T22:36:00.000-07:002008-08-11T22:39:21.475-07:00<strong>This is why we love Texans ... </strong><br /><br />Texans get right to the point and most of the time, what they say is correct. <br /><br />T. B. Bechtel, a part-time City Councilman from Midland, TX., was asked on a local live radio talk show, just what he thought of the allegations of torture of the Iraqi prisoners. <br /><br />His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience. <br /><br />"If hooking up an Iraqi prisoner's balls to a car's battery cables will save one Texas GI's life, then I have just three things to say: <br /><br />Red is positive, <br /><br />Black is negative, <br /><br />Make sure his balls are wet."<div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-22943100575711683412008-08-06T21:50:00.000-07:002008-08-06T21:51:13.935-07:00<strong>The Pastor's Ass</strong><br /><br />The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it<br />won.<br /><br />The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the<br />race<br />again, and it won again.<br /><br /><br />The local paper<br />read:<br /><br /><br />PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.<br /><br />The Bishop was so upset with<br />this kind of publicity that he ordered<br />the pastor not to enter the donkey in<br />another race.<br /><br /><br /><br />The next day, the local paper headline<br />read:<br /><br /><br />BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.<br /><br />This was too much for the<br />bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of<br />the donkey.<br /><br />The pastor<br />decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.<br /><br />The local paper, hearing<br />of the news, posted the following headline the<br />next day:<br /><br /><br />NUN HAS<br />BEST ASS IN TOWN.<br /><br />The bishop fainted.<br /><br />He informed the nun that she<br />would have to get rid of the donkey, so she<br />sold it to a farmer for<br />$10.<br /><br /><br /><br />The next day the paper read:<br /><br />NUN SELLS ASS FOR<br />$10.<br /><br />This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back<br />the<br />donkey and lead it to the ! plains where it could run<br />wild.<br /><br /><br />The next day the headlines read:<br /><br />NUN ANNOUNCES<br />HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.<br /><br />The bishop was buried the next<br />day.<br /><br /><br />The moral of the story is: being concerned about public opinion<br />can bring<br />you much grief and misery, even shorten your life.<br /><br /><br />So be<br />yourself and enjoy life.<br /><br /><br />Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and<br />you'll be a lot happier and<br />live longer!<br /><br />Have a nice<br />day!<div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-57095432941580810282008-08-06T11:45:00.000-07:002008-08-06T11:46:06.856-07:00: Blond Joke<br /><br /><br /> <br />This one is funny!<br /><br /><br />A guy walks in and sits down at the end of the bar. Just a few seats down<br />from him, there is a very buxom blonde with huge size 44DD breasts.<br /> <br />The guy orders a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the<br />bar. It hits the lady's boobs and splashes all over them. The bartender goes<br />over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off the blonde.<br /> <br />Each time he calls for a beer this happens. So after his third beer, he<br />decides to help the bartender out. The next ti me the bartender hits her<br />boobs, the man jumps up and starts to lick her breasts....AND SHE DECKS<br />HIM!!!.<br /> <br />He's laying on the floor moaning and groaning, "Jeez...then why do you let<br />the bartender do it?"<br /> <br />Get ready...here it comes.........<br /> <br />5<br />4<br />3<br />2<br />1...<br /> <br /> <br /> <br />"Because, duh" says the blonde, "he has a licker license !"<div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-87825880925624504432008-08-03T02:31:00.000-07:002008-08-03T02:35:34.861-07:00Subject: <strong>Will I Turn 80?</strong><br /><br />I recently turned 62 and had to choose a new primary care physician<br />for my Medicare program.<br />After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly<br />well' for my age.<br /><br />A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him<br />'Do you think I will live to be 80?'<br />He asked: Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?'<br /><br />'Oh no,' I replied. 'I don't do drugs, either.'<br /><br />'Do you have many friends and entertain frequently?'<br /><br />'I said, 'No, I usually stay home and keep to myself'.<br /><br />'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'<br /><br />I said, 'No, my other doctor said that all red meat is unhealthy!'<br /><br />'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing,<br />hiking, or bicycling?'<br /><br />'No, I don't,' I said.<br /><br />'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'<br /><br />'No,' I said. 'I don't do any of those things.'<br /><br />He looked at me and said, 'Then why do you give a shit?<div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-58300832521894442032008-07-23T23:40:00.000-07:002008-07-23T23:42:10.421-07:00<strong>PLEASE HELP SUPPORT ANTI-TERRORISM</strong><br /><br />As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked, and that he must commit suicide if he does. So next Saturday at 4 PM. Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their houses completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort. <br /><br /><br />All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses to prove they are not Muslims, and to show support for all American women. Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Muslim sentiment. The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity. God bless America .<div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-75505386664508486022008-07-23T09:01:00.000-07:002008-07-23T09:03:21.141-07:00<strong>Windfall Tax on Retirement Income </strong><br /><br />Adding a tax to your retirement is simply another way <br />of saying to the American people, you're so darn stupid <br />that we're going to keep doing this until we drain every <br />cent from you. That's what the Speaker of the House is <br />saying. Read below . . .. <br /><br />Nancy Pelosi wants a Windfall Tax on Retirement Income. <br />In other words tax what you have made by investing <br />toward your retirement. This woman is a nut case! You <br />aren't going to believe this. <br /><br />Madam speaker Nancy Pelosi wants to put a Windfall Tax <br />on all stock market profits (including Retirement fund, <br />401K and Mutual Funds! Alas, it is true - all to help the <br />12 Million Illegal Immigrants and other unemployed <br />Minorities! <br /><br />This woman is frightening. <br />She quotes . . . 'We need to work toward the goal of <br />equalizing income, (didn't Marx say something like this), <br />in our country and at the same time limiting the amount <br />the rich can invest.' (I am not rich, are you?) <br /><br />When asked how these new tax dollars would be spent, <br />she replied: 'We need to raise the standard of living of <br />our poor, unemployed and minorities. For example, we <br />have an estimated 12 million illegal immigrants in our <br />country who need our help along with millions of <br />unemployed minorities. Stock market windfall profits <br />taxes could go a long way to guarantee these people <br />the standard of living they would like to have as <br />'Americans'.' <br />(R ead that quote again and again and let it sink in. <br />'Lower your retirement, give it to others who have not <br />worked as you have for it'. <br /><br /> I don't know about you but if I want to give away my retirement to the poor, illegal aliens or any one else......I want the privilege of doing so myself. This gets scarier and scarier by the minute!<div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34127927.post-52917608839694419252008-07-21T08:15:00.000-07:002008-07-21T08:16:11.007-07:00<strong>Pocket Taser Stun Gun</strong>, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased<br />his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:<br /><br />Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that<br />sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was<br />looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came<br />acro ss was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of<br />the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse<br />affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to<br />safety....??<br /><br />WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it<br />home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the<br />button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I<br />pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same<br />time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth<br />between the prongs. AWESOME!!!<br /><br />Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is<br />on the face of her microwave.<br /><br />Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that<br />it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?<br /><br />There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently<br />(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and<br />thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh &<br />blood moving target.<br /><br /><br />I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a<br />second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I<br />was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a<br />mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.<br />Am I wrong?<br /><br /><br />So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading<br />glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in<br />one hand, and taser in another.<br />The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient<br />your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle<br />spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would<br />purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of<br />water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the<br />batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring<br />about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute<br />really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking<br />to myself, 'no possible way!'<br /><br />What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my<br />best...?<br /><br />I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to<br />one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one<br />second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that<br />bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.<br />I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . .<br />HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE<br />HELL!!!<br /><br />I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked<br />me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over<br />and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the<br />fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, bo th nipples<br />on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under<br />my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?<br /><br />The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging<br />to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an<br />atempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the<br />living room.<br /><br />Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one<br />note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when<br />you zap yourself!<br /><br />You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your<br />hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst<br />would be considered conservative?<br /><br />SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!!<br /><br />A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing<br />at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up<br />and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the<br />mantel of th e fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8<br />feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and<br />both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot<br />up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control<br />over the drooling. Apparrently I shit myself, but was too numb to<br />know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke<br />cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair I'm still<br />looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their<br />safe return!!<br /><br />P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!<div class="blogger-post-footer">ShopFromHomepage.com - the map that changed the web</div>Lex Luthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12385209462352433350noreply@blogger.com0