It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.The teacher said,"Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said
'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces,
except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:
'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.
'Very good!' Who said 'Government of the People, by
the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln,
1863' said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class,
you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country,
knows more about its history than you do.'
She heard a loud whisper:
'Fuck the Indians'
''Who said that?" she demanded.
Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'
At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'
The teacher glares around and asks
'All right! Now, who said that?'
Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'
Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher , 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'
Now with almost mob hysteria someone
said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'
Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson to the child
witnesses testifying against him- 2004.'
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!'
And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was
the American people, November 4th, 2008".

Thanksgiving Divorce

A man in Jacksonville calls his son in San Diego the day before Thanksgiving and says,
'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.'
'Pop, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the father says. 'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Denver and tell her.'

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this'
She calls Jacksonville immediately, and screams at her father, 'You are NOT getting divorced. Do not do a single thing un til I get there. I am calling my brother back, and we will both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
'Okay,' he says, 'they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.'

To my friends who enjoy a cold beer or a glass of wine... And those who don't.

As Ben Franklin said:

In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated
That if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or Vodka, tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol

Has to go through a purification process

Of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health.

Therefore, it's better

To drink beer & wine, and talk stupid,
Than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:


I'm doing it as a public service

Jingle Bells, Shotgun Shells. I finally feel safe in my own home!!!


This on my Christmas list prior to weapons being seized by the new Admin!!