OH MY WORD!!!




A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic

garbage bags, one in each hand.

There's a hole in one of the bags, and once in a while a $20

bill flies out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her.

"Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..."

"Damn!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see

if I can find some of them. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all

that money? Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs

up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's

a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into

my flower beds!" So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a

big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his thingie

through the bushes, I say: '$20 or off it comes!' "

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "Good luck!" By the way,

what's in the other bag?"

"Well", says the little old lady, "Not all of them pay."

Are you One of the 156 Million?




Presidential candidates, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John Edwards were flying to a convention.

Barack looked at Hillary, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.'

Hillary shrugged her shoulders and replied, I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.'

John added, 'That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.'

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, 'Such big-shots back there'. I could throw all of them out of the window and make 156 million people very happy..'

Subject: Little Leroy



Little Leroy came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell
his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."
Little Leroy was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at
school and at home. Leroy's mother asked him if he thought he deserved
to get a bike for his birthday. Little Leroy, of course, thought he did.

Leroy's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his
behavior over the last year, and write a letter to God and tell him why
he deserved a bike for his birthday.

Little Leroy stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God
a letter.

LETTER 1:

Dear God:
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday. I want a red one.

Your friend,
Leroy

Leroy knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year,
so he tore up the letter and started over.

LETTER 2:

Dear God:
This is your friend Leroy. I have been a pretty good boy this year, and
I would like a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you,
Leroy

Leroy knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and started
again.

LETTER 3:

Dear God:

I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be
a good boy if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you,
Leroy

Leroy knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a
bike. By now, Leroy was very upset.

He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted to go to church.
Leroy's mother thought her plan had worked because Leroy looked very
sad. Just be home in time for dinner," his mother said.

Leroy walked down the st reet to the church and up to the altar.
He looked around to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of
the Virgin Mary, slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church,
down the street, into his house, and up to his room. He shut the door to
his room and sat, down with a piece of paper and a pen, and wrote his
letter to God.

LETTER 4:

I GOT YOUR MAMA.

IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.

Signed,
YOU KNOW WHO

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!




Spooky, Ain't it?!?

Why Muslims Bomb Themselves - any question?

CLICK ON PICTURE




Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.. Let's see now. .. .
No Jesus
No Christmas
No television
No cheerleaders
No baseball
No football
No hockey
No golf
No tailgate parties
No Wal-Mart
No Home Depot
No pork BBQ
No hot dogs
No burgers
No chocolate chip cookies
No lobster
No shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks
No gumbo
No jambalaya
Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are no doctors.
Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.
More than one wife.
You can't shave.
Your wives can't shave.
You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.
The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.
Your bride is picked by someone else.
She smells just like your donkey.
But your donkey has a better disposition.


Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!
I mean, really, is there a mystery here?